1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
Let’s see…graduate from high school, move out of my house, go to New York City, hit rock bottom, quit my job, actually have a best friend who’s a guy, go out to coffee with former teachers regularly, get an ulcer, the list goes on and on…

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
No and no. What’s the point?

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes, about three of my cousins.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No. Just me on the inside for a good portion of the year.

5. What countries did you visit?
None, but this summer is a whole other story.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
Friends who don’t treat me like shit. Self actualization is also up there.

7. What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
May 28^th: Graduation Day. June 2^nd: The day I had my complete psychotic breakdown. August 22^nd: Move in day at Drake. Also, it was the first time I have ever damaged my car by clipping the right side mirror clean off the car. November 4^th: My last day at Panera.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting promoted to manager in less than six months.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Letting myself get so stressed out by everyone and everything that I have pretty much ruined my stomach and can no longer eat anything without feeling like throwing up..

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Psychotic breakdown. That counts.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
I’m going to go with An Awfully Big Adventure. It’s now one of my favorite movies.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Kate and Kierra for obvious reasons. Ms. VW for sending me cards and e-mails and always finding a way to surprise me and make my day when I really need a pick me up. This year I vow to do the same for her. Julie, Kim, and Lindsay for taking a chance on a crazy girl from Iowa at Drake and becoming some of the best friends that I’ve ever had. Maureen for all the fun this summer and the postcards that always make me smile. Paul and Brandon for helping me out through everything and never asking anything in return. Without everyone, I wouldn’t have been able to make it to this point as the person that I am now. Seriously.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Ryan. For obvious reasons.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Stuff for college. Alan Rickman DVDs.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
 New York. College. Getting the hell out of high school after it ended so swimmingly.

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
What I’ve Done by: Linkin Park.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you
i. happier or sadder? I’m not sure. I want to say happier, but some how I don’t believe it.
ii. thinner or fatter? Fatter
iii. richer or poorer? Poorer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Standing up for myself.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Feeling sorry for myself.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent it traveling back home and then with the fam eating Christmas Chinese food.

22. Did you fall in love in 2007?
Was still in love from 2006. Am still in love, but it’s that first love thing that you just never forget. Even though nothing ever happened, I still wouldn’t change any of my time with him. I love Brandon. Always will.

23. How many one-night stands?
Ha!

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Gilmore Girls and Rock of Love.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No. Hate’s a strong word. I don’t hate anyone, but I greatly dislike several.

26. What was the best book you read?
Sweet Far Thing by: Libba Bray

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Minus the Bear thanks to my RA.

28. What did you want and get?
In the two years that I’ve done this, I never realized how stupid this question is.

29. What did you want and not get?
This also is a stupid question that is not worth answering.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
An Awfully Big Adventure.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Got up insanely early, drove to Kansas City, got on a plane to New Orleans, met up with my aunts and went out for dinner. I was 19.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Not having an ulcer and perhaps some friends who weren’t assholes.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
More fashionable.

34. What kept you sane?
Brandon. We both helped each other through some pretty rough times this year, me pretty much crying on his shoulder at one point and him almost doing the same at another point in time. It really hurts me to think that now that we have both quit Panera, I am most likely never going to see him again.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Psh…Alan Rickman.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
I was pretty indifferent this year.

37. Who did you miss?
Who my most of my friends used to be...you know, actual friends.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Kim, Julie, Lindsay, and Paul.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
Stop giving people the benefit of the doubt when they don’t deserve it.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

In this farewell
There’s no blood
There’s no alibi
‘Cause I’ve drawn regret
From the truth
Of a thousand lies

So let mercy come
And wash away
What I’ve done

I'll face myself
To cross out what I’ve become
Erase myself
And let go of what I’ve done

Put to rest
What you thought of me
While I clean this slate
With the hands of uncertainty

So let mercy come
And wash away
What I’ve done

I'll face myself
To cross out what I’ve become
Erase myself
And let go of what I’ve done

For what I’ve done
I start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I’m forgiving what I’ve done

I'll face myself
To cross out what I’ve become
Erase myself
And let go of what I’ve done

What I’ve done
Forgiving what I’ve done

Last Year’s Resolutions:

1) Get to a size 7 and STAY THERE. No more. No less. Just 7.

Nope.
2) Firm up and exercise, dammit!
Nope.

3) Have a date for Prom, romantic or no.
Nope.

4) Graduate with my sanity.
Nope.

5) Live up summer. Road trip!
Nope.

6) Continue to be kick-ass at my job.
Nope.

7) Have an amazing time while doing the above.

Nope.

What a pathetic year.

Well, I am only going to make one resolution this year and that is to make 2008 better than 2007.

Considering how shitty the majority of 2007 was, it shouldn’t be hard.

I hope everyone had a great New Year’s Eve/Day.

Here’s to a year that doesn’t completely suck.

Peace, Love, and …to be continued

1. I don't have a Halloween costume and I have a Halloween party that I am going to tomorrow.
2. As of yesterday, I have dark brown hair. A nice change from the redish/purple/brown I was sporting for the past month and a half.
3. I still frequently keep in contact with and meet up for coffee with Amanda (my old Latin teacher) and Schebel. Kate, Amanda, and I are in the talks of taking Italian night classes together.
4. My last day at Panera Bread, forever, is November 4th. 

Go see Darjeeling Limited.
It is my new favorite movie.

1. Kate and I are blissfully happy as room mates and are already planning on getting an apartment next year.
2. I have fallen for my RA who is a pretty amazing guy.
3. I have been crying all weekend (well not all weekend, just on the drive home from my last day working with him and then I've been curled up in a depressed cocoon with Kate's comforter on the futon watching 'Rock of of Love' on VH1...Matt (my RA) saw me in such a state and came in to talk to me for a bit) because Brandon has been moved permanently to University. I closed last night and left a note for Brandon telling him where his 'good bye cake' (as is tradition) was and that I expected a call the next time Kottonmouth Kings come to town...I am really going to miss him.
4. After much reflection over the past week, I have decided to do something, but can't discuss it yet seeing as how I want it to be as big of a surprise as possible (I've only told Kate and my parents). Yeah...it's intense.
5. College is still going great. Classes are good and I'm still meeting new people. I hearts it so.

And yeah...that's about it. Such is life.

So yes...move in day was pretty painless.
The traffic was crazy (we thought we would do good because we were coming in at 8 in the morning, but we were wrong) and we couldn't find a close parking spot (my car is still parked about four blocks away, but whatever. It give me exercise before I drive anywhere. We unloaded all of our stuff (we being my parents and Kate who decided to move in with us) and made many a trips to our second floor room.
We spent the next few hours unpacking and setting up our room. 
While we were doing this we got a couple visitors, one of whom was Hunter, the cute RA I was talking about earlier (sadly not our RA, but our RA is pretty damn sweet himself) came by and talked to us. So Kate and I were being witty and playing real cool, unpacking while we were talking to him and such.
I start to unpack my hamper, and as I was unfolding it, it sprung out of my hands and nearly hit me in the face, unfolding itself wildly.
Yeah.
Hunter was really cool about it and then our topic of conversations turned to "attack hampers". It was great.
So then after we got more or less settled in, Kate and I headed over to her house to get the last of her things, eat pizza, and hang out with her boyfriend, Chris (who is currently sleeping on the floor of our dorm). BY the time we get to loading my car with stuff, it is raining pretty hard so I pull into her narrow garage.
All went well until I tried to back out, clipping my right side mirror on the edge of the garage causing it to snap off.
Yeah...
I drove home, freaking out (I've never done anything to my car before, not even a ticket) and my mom and I went to the dealer to get it fixed.
It was a crazy hour anf a half.
So then yesterday was full of "getting to know you" team building activities that we did with our FYS group (I knew one of the girls from registration, and her roommate is pretty sweet, so I hung out with them all day) and such.
During our break I went into work to get my Bread Bash information and Brandon was trying really hard not to let on how much he missed me (I hadn't seen him for a week), but when we were standing in a big group, just talking, I heard him mutter under his breath "I haven't seen you in...in a while..."
I was kind of hoping that Paul would have been there, but then I would have probably never left.
I went back to campus, had dinner with Kate, went to go see a few speakers, a drum core show, and then went back to the room where Kate and I hung out with Chris, Kim and Julie (from across the hall...we're going to form an intramural volleyball team), and then later Lauren and her room mates from Crawford.
It was pretty great.
Kate, Chris, and I stayed up until 1 talking and listening to music.
Good times were had by all.
And now I must go eat breakfast before today's activities start (I just want to start classes already...I don't want any more of this welcome weekend crap) and yeah...
So far, so good. 
I miss AC, but our two fans are doing amazing jobs when they're not falling over.

So today, my only day off all week, proved to be very productive.
But first I must begin with last night.
After I closed P Bread after an okay night (apparently I am the manager people go to with their personal problems...and Matt made a full body waterproof dishes suit...oh and Brandon gave me herpes...long story (and he really didn't give me herpes)) I headed over to Sarah Waskom's house and watched movies all night/morning with Sarah, Kate, and Lauren Beal.
I went home at about 9 after saying my good-byes (the start of many) and plans for a trek to Valleyfest involving Sarah crashing at my dorm during said Valleyfest weekend, and took an hour long nap.
I woke up, gosied myself up and went out to lunch with Megan and Kay (who I haven't seen in forever) caught up with them and acquired a free microwave.
I then went home, started to "officially pack" (up until this point, I had just been organizing things), got a few boxes ready to go, made a list of stuff that I still need, and headed out for round one of college shopping with my mom.
After knocking out half of the list, I came home helped my mom load the car for her party that was tonight, and then went out for round two with my dad and got almost everything. 
I now only need a backpack and shower flip-flops.
My dad then dropped me off at Kierra's and we went out to dinner and then hung out at JC before heading over to Starbucks where Andrea treated us to free drinks and food.
It's fun having connections.
So yeah...up until yesterday I kept thinking I still had another week until I moved out.
Try three days.
Yeah.
I then started to have a minor freak out wondering if I was going to get everything ready in the next few days.
It was pretty intense.
The past week has been...insane?
I got my paycheck on Thursday and lets just say that without taxes, I was $3.40 short of earning $1,000.
Yeah.
In just two weeks, that's how much I worked.
This summer I made a choice.
I chose to bury myself in work because that was the one thing I could control in my life.
I love life had not turned out to be what it was supposed to be, broken hearts all around, my friend situation suddenly got very out of control, and the only thing that was somewhat normal was my "professional life" at Panera.
I tried to fix things, but when it became clear that the other parties didn't want to have anything to do with me, I just gave up and in an attempt to forget about some of the sudden unpleasant truths in my life I worked more and did a few other things that I'm not particularly proud of.
It wasn't until Lizzie and I became close, Paul and I started to get close, the usual random conversations between Brandon and myself grew more outlandish and entertaining, and a little emotional support from one Ms. Dahl that I started to snap out of my month long "funk" that was the end half of June and the beginning to middle of July.
Sitting back and reflectiong on everything (wait, I thought that this was the optimistic post), I just find it some what of a cruel irony that people I had known for only a few months (in some cases only two weeks) were proving to be better friends than those I have had since elementary school.
Even Kate, who I barely saw over the summer, knew when something was wrong and let me vent/helped me deal with a few things.
It was/is crazy to think about all of the things I have learned this summer and one of them was that trying to cover underlying life problems with a killer work ethic just doesn't cut it.
It helped out Panera, but it didn't really do me any good in the long run.
But, you live and you learn. 
I now know how I cope when several aspects of my life blow up in my face, which isn't very well at all, but now I know what my "lowest low" looks like and know how to prevent it from happening. 
Which brings me to why I am looking forward to college with the blind optimism that yes, everything is finally going to be alright again:

1) Kate and I will actually see each other (seriously between our jobs, random trips, and just life in general we only saw each other for about five days/week maximum this summer)
2) I will finally be challenged by school again
3) I am going to meet so many amazing people (and some not so amazing people), but the friend aspect of my life will start to rebuild itself
4) I will work less (three days a week only...my dad wants me to quit, but I see Panera as more of a hobby/recreational activity now then a job...my resume is already built now that I've past the one year mark (manager for three months officially, unofficially for seven), so Panera is really just a place where I go eat free food, hang out with my friends, occasionally deal with an idiot customer/employee, and get money in return). Yeah, fun stuff
5) I will finally be on my own and more or less self sufficient
6) I get to start over

And that's really what I need...a new beginning.
I need to put the past behind me and just start fresh now that I know who I actually am and am finally at peace with myself.
I am about to embark on the beginning of the rest of my life and I couldn't be more ready.

I had orginally spent the last hour typing out a very long and expressive post into the inner turmoil I have felt over the past few months (angsty, I know, but bare with me...I have never really spoken of certain...events). It was all ready to go, spell checked and everything, when I stumbled across the lyrics to a certain Linkin Park song.
I took one good look at the lyrics and then glanced back at my post and immediately opted to go for the more poetic version of how I have felt since June 2nd.
This song pretty much explains it all:


When this began I had nothing to say
And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me
I was confused and I let it all out to find that I'm
Not the only person with these things in mind
Inside of me, but all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel
Nothing to lose, just stuck, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

I want to heal, I want to feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I've held so long, erase all the pain 'til it's gone
I want to heal, I want to feel
Like I'm close to something real
I want to find something I've wanted all along: somewhere I belong

And I've got nothing to say
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face
I was confused, looking everywhere, only to find that it's
Not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
So what am I what do I have but negativity
'Cause I can't justify the way everyone is looking at me
Nothing to lose, nothing to gain, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, the fault is my own

I want to heal, I want to feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I've held so long, erase all the pain 'til it's gone
I want to heal, I want to feel
Like I'm close to something real
I want to find something I've wanted all along: somewhere I belong

I will never know myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel anything else until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything 'til I break away from me
And I will break away, I'll find myself today

I want to heal, I want to feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I've held so long, erase all the pain 'til it's gone
I want to heal, I want to feel
Like I'm close to something real
I want to find something I've wanted all along: somewhere I belong

I want to heal, I want to feel like I'm somewhere I belong

5 Things always in my purse:

• Wallet 
• Cell Phone 
• Work & Car Keys
• Frank's Hacky Sack
• The Book of Worldy Wisdom

5 Things always in my wallet :

• Driver's License
• Debit Card
• That Stupid Little Panera "Cultural Concept Essence Feel Good" Crap Card
• Blockbuster Card 
• My Expired Australian Phone Card

5 Things always in my refrigerator:

• Milk (when I get to college, it will be Soy) 
• Tea
• Butter
• Yogurt
• Apples

5 Things always in my closet:

• Shoes
• Old Magazines/Newspapers 
• Purses
• Random Artwork
• Clothes

5 Things always in my car:

• The "Fool" Tarot Card (it designates a journey to be taken when right side up)
• Insense
• My Tape Adapter 
• First Aid Kit
• My Drake Parking Pass (sha shaaa....)

5 Things always on my desk:

• Lamp
• At Least Five Books
• My Stuffed Teddy Bear Named Winston 
• Pens
• A Picture in a Frame Given to Me as a Christmas Gift a While Back That is Now Face Down (I can't bring myself to toss it...)

1. Would you bang your neighbor?
What the hell kind of question is that?

2. What describes your relationship status?
Single and lovin' it.

3. Where are you?
Home.

4. What's the last movie you've seen?
Robin Hood: Men In Tights

5. Do you live with your parents?
For exactly one more week.

6. What is your middle name?
Lynne

7. Who have you talked to most today?
Paul

8. Do you carve pumpkins every year?
Nope.

9. Color of your underwear?
Green.

10. Color of your shirt?
Blue.

11. How many years have you taken a language?
Four.

12. Who's on speed dial 2? 5? 7?
I don't believe in speed dial.

14. Do you wish on 11:11?
Once at the urging of Ben a very attractive customer whose total ended up being $11.11. He told me to make a wish and that he would make a wish with me. It was a very odd situation, but it made my day.

15. Good advice if you ever go camping?
'eff the damn charcol and just use wood!!!

16. Are you a bad influence?
I can be when I want to be.

17. Do you enjoy Diet Rockstars?
No. Sugar Free/Lo-Carb Monsters all the way. (They more or less keep me alive now.)

18. Rather have your name of your siblings?
What?

19. Would you do anything for someone else?
Yes.

20. Have you ever been called a bitch?
Yes.

21.Favorite colors?
Green.

23. What song is on?
What You Want       by The John Butler Trio (best. song. in. the. world.)

24. Are your grades good?
Yes.

25. Do you ever think people hate you for filling this out?
Eh...they can deal with it.

27. Does your best friend have a livejournal?
Not that I know of.

28. What page did you visit last?
worstpreviews.com

29. Last time you went out to lunch?
Yesterday with me madre.

30. What is to the right of you?
The mouse.

31. Who is your favorite character from Friends?
Pheobe.

33. Do you have one or more Britney Spears CDs?
Nope.

35. Are you a Lost fanatic?
No...I don't understand why that show is a hit. Or Grey's Anatomy for that matter.

37. Do you have a song by Ozzy Osbourne in your library?
Yes..

38. iPod or Zune?
iPod

39. Do you watch Family Guy regularly?
Try religiously.

40. King of the Hill?
Not as much as I used to.

41. Do you read trashy romance novels often?
Yes. Kate and I formed a book club devoted to them.

43. Do you sing obnoxiously in the car?
Whenever I can.

44. Do you ever sing obnoxiously in the shower?
No.

46. Have you ever pretended your crush was with you?
No.

53. Are you ever a freak about cleanliness or organization?
I can be.

54. Have you ever been to South America or Africa?
Nope.

55. Do you know how to knit?
Nope.

57. Have you ever written love song lyrics yourself and put them on myspace?
On MySpace? No.

59. When you open your closet, what is the dominant color?
Blue.

60. Baskin Robbins or Coldstone?
Baskin and Robbins. Do we even have those anymore?

61. Physics or chemistry?
Physics.

64. R-rated or G-rated movies?
The ratings don't make the movies good or bad.

65. Walk or Run?
Amble.

66. Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, or Star Wars?
Psh...Star Wars.

67. Road trip or fly?
Road trip!!

68. Batman, Spiderman, or Superman?
Spiderman. Hands down. DC super heros suck.

69. What's your favorite Disney movie?
Sleeping Beauty.